“Do you talk to your mom with that mouth?”
Have you heard that phrase before?
It seems to be a part of every movie, every grandma’s encyclopedia, & gets asked a lot in general.
And although that question is meant as a way to ask “would you be that disrespectful to your parents”, it’s also a way to ask yourself how you’re talking to yourself?
Because we often tend to talk worse about & to ourselves than we would talk to anyone else.
That’s called negative self-talk & it’s a poison that we feed ourselves.
Side Effects Of Negative Self Talk
Just like with anything else that we do, there are both negative & positive effects. But with negative self-talk just like the name suggests, there are only negative results.
High Stress Levels
Increased stressed levels can lead to health issues. You can combat high stress levels with these tips & with reducing your negative self-talk.
Lower Self Esteem
Lower self-esteem & negativity go together like peanut butter & jelly. Just not in a good way. The more bad things that you say about yourself the less you start to think of yourself.
A constant stream of negativity can lead to an increased chance of depression.
Being motivated to do anything becomes a non-factor when you’re negatively talking yourself. The more you tell yourself that you can’t do anything the less you’ll be tempted to even try.
Negativity & loneliness go hand in hand. The more we talk down to ourselves the more we cut off those trying to love & help us.
There is a pattern of how you talk, think, & react to yourself. Start to take notice of when you start your negative talk. Write down everything that’s happening.
Where were you?
What was said?
Who were you with?
How did you react?
Record it for at least a week. That will help you take notice of any patterns.
Those patterns are your triggers.
The more patterns/triggers that you recognize the better you can handle them when they arise.
Fire Your Critic
Those inner critics of ours are truly the most annoying. They’re the most critical, negative voices that are always with us.
Imagine the old cartoons that had the devil version of yourself on your shoulder. That’s your inner critic.
So what do you do about it?
Your fire them!
Give that critic a name & kick them off to Neverland.
I named mine Dennis. And imagined him being guarded by raptors on an island. I promise it’s not as violent as you think.
I’m just a huge Jurassic Park/dinosaur lover.
Visualization is a big part of yoga, meditation, mindfulness, Lamaze, & yes getting rid of negative talking.
Whenever you catch yourself talking down simply imagine a cement wall or a stop sign blocking the words from coming out.
Cutting yourself off from the truly saying the words is a huge step in the right way.
Just like visualization above, being verbal is a large factor in how to feel. Once you speak something aloud it carries more weight in your spirit & in your mind.
So how do you cancel it out?
You have to speak positive vibes out loud. (Saying positive vibes always reminds me of Scooby Doo & Shaggy).
Replace your negative expressions with positive affirmations.
Challenge Your Thoughts
The main goal of negative self-talk is to bring you down.
But have you ever stopped to think if what you’re thinking is really reality?
It’s time to challenge those thoughts.
If you’re thinking that a coworker hates you, stop & truly look at the situation.
Do they really or are you reading into something that isn’t there.
You feel like you’re all alone in everything. But do you honestly have people in your corner willing to support you?
Love From Others
One of the best ways to defeat negative self-talk is to surround ourselves with those who love us.
Our inner critics are the hardest to be around. But you can mute when by the positivity that comes from your friends, family, & even pets.
Volunteering is also an option. I’ve had many people send me stories of how simple volunteering brought them more positivity.
To be thanked for something good made them feel useful.
Spin Your Language
Let’s talk about how you talk to & about yourself.
Are you using words like “I can’t, I don’t, stupid, impossible, ugly”?
The list goes on. You get the direction that I’m going.
If you are using language like that then now is the time spin how you’re talking.
When you catch yourself using negative words, stop for a moment & rephrase how you’re talking.
Instead use phrases like “I will, let’s try it, I can do this, just one more step”.
You’ll be surprised at how a simple rewording can start to lift your spirits back up.
Even changing your words slightly can make a difference. Go from “I hate” to “I don’t like”.
Sometimes the best way to get rid of negative self-talk is to just get things out of your head.
You can do it by taking advantage of time for self-care. That’s important to do even when you’re not expressing negativity for you.
They both allow you to release both your conscious & unconscious thoughts.
And getting it down on paper allows you to see what is causing you to think so negative. Once you have a cause you can start to work on a solution.
Put It On A Timeline
One of the main factors that lead to the downward spiral of talking down on yourself is thinking too hard about the effects of the situation.
Whenever you start with the negative talk about a situation ask yourself this question.
Will it matter 5 or 10 years from now?
Say you just moved into a new home & it’s not decorated the way that you want. So you start thinking “why bother having anybody over, they’ll think my house looks trashy”.
Instead think, in 5 years is anybody going to remember what my house looked like when I first moved in?
The answer will be no 99% of the time.
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